I suppose there are better things I could be doing with my
time right now, but I’ve got all day for productivity. The chance for a controversial blog post only
comes about once every… okay they’re equally as plentiful as the responsibility
I’m ignoring.
I read a thing once that said that facebook is a big cause
of depression and anxiety in young people. Or just in people. Facebook may not have been invented to make
people jealous (actually, it kinda was.
It started out as a “Rate these people” site, and that inherently has
competition which breeds jealousy – Zuckerberg, you devil!), but it has
definitely gotten that way. Vacation
photos, irritating sappy relationship statuses, pictures of happy families… It’s
like peeking through your neighbors’ windows all the time, except they know you’re
watching so they deliberately try to make you envious of them. But what gets to me the most isn’t the
vacations I wish I could go on or the babies or the relationships (Side note: I’m
a big believer that if you constantly advertise your relationship, you’re
compensating for something lacking in the relationship itself. Nobody who is genuinely content with what
they have feels the need to talk about it all the time). What grinds my gears the most is the
religious posts – which is weird, since I’m not anti-religious myself.
Bear with me if the last sentence has upset you. I don’t come out the hero in this post, don’t
worry. I’m friends with lots of
different types of people on facebook, thanks to growing up in a conservative
town and attending a liberal arts college.
So my facebook is liable to have posts on both sides of most issues,
which is something I really like. But
lately, I find my blood boiling more and more with every religious post I see –
and as a peace-loving, trying-to-be-mellow person, this reaction is really
getting to me. Things like “don’t worry
who others say you are, worry who God says you are” (so you don’t get to be
your own person?) and “The Word of God is your most powerful weapon” (should we
really weaponize the Bible??) are topping my list of irritants, and I keep
finding myself saying, “Shut up shut up shut upppppp keep this to yoursellllfffff!!!”
(Keep reading, I swear self-reflection is coming)
Then there are those who are blessed, and they know it. I’m starting to really despise that word,
because I feel that there is an undertone of bragging when someone says they’re
“blessed.” “I’m so blessed because I
get to do this/be here/see this/whatever –“ do you not care about the people
who have to see these pictures of all your blessings? What are they supposed to think? That you’re God’s favorite? That you’re more blessed and they’re less
blessed? Or maybe they don’t appreciate
their blessings as much? That’s a hard
pill to swallow if the blessings you are
posting about are things like having a job, something so many people go without
these days. Yeah it’s great to be
thankful, but you know what’s even better?
Being quietly thankful. Seeing
things like “I’m so glad God is there to take care of me and answer my every
prayer” makes lots of people feel un-taken care of. Are they not praying hard enough for the
things they want? Or maybe they need to let God take care of
it? That’s not so easy if what’s on the
line is something important, like someone’s life or a house. It’s nice to talk about how great we are and
how happy we are with our relationship with God, but I refer back to my
statement about public relationship bragging: Are we really happy if we have to
keep talking about it? Now, I know some
of the people who are posting these things might be reading this, and I don’t
want them to feel attacked. And I’m
getting to the reflection and the other side of the coin, but there are times I
wish people could be more private with their beliefs.
This sounds incredibly hypocritical for a number of reasons,
coming from me. For one, I am anything
but quiet about some of my beliefs – marriage equality, for one. I’m not getting into that here, but I know
that my outspokenness annoys people in the same way that theirs annoys me, so
we’re even I guess. Then I think about
exactly why I want them to shut up about their happy religious funtimes. And I ask myself if I think religion should
be private because it’s for the betterment of society or because I’m insecure
about my beliefs and seeing so many people who are so satisfied make me
jealous. These statuses are the
equivalent of vacation photos – I wish you’d take them down because somewhere a
small part of me wishes I could be there.
Sometimes.
I’m still not sure where I stand on matters of
religion. I think I’m a lot different
from the Youth Group Kid I was in high school, and I struggle a lot more with things
I used to accept unquestioningly. But I’m
not sure if that’s a bad thing. I’d like
to think that we should strive for a personal, private relationship with
God. Something we can be satisfied
about, knowing it is uniquely ours and not the same as anyone else’s
relationship. This is where the public
displays begin to annoy me. We’re
perfectly content with what we have until we see what everyone else has. There are even times I feel people try to make others feel inferior to
their sparkling faith – and maybe that’s me being paranoid or maybe that’s
their unconscious selfish side taking over.
The idea of this personal definition of religion, personalized, monogram
brand of faith that doesn’t subscribe exactly to any kind of organized idea is
something that I thought was pretty enlightened of me to come up with. Being in a liberal arts college showed me
more than anything that everybody is different, and that maybe religion isn’t a
one-size-fits-all kind of thing. Lots of
my closest friends were doing it; we formed our own little enlightened circle
of religious free thinkers. We were
practically walking oxy-morons, without the morons. Morons aren’t enlightened, like we are. What if the solution isn’t in a contradictory
2,000 year old book? What if the answer lies in a combination of meditation,
research, thinking, prayer, art, literature, conversation, love… What if the
Answer, the Purpose, is simply to Seek?
How beautiful that such a solution fits everyone while at the same time
providing room for customizing!
I’m going to switch my focus for a minute here. A friend recommended to me the book Generation Me, by Jean. M. Twenge,
Ph.D. It’s about the generation of
20-somethings, teens, and kids who were raised with participation trophies, “I
am special” episodes of their favorite TV shows, and a constant focus on the
self. Self expression. Self esteem.
Self image. Self. Self.
Self. Regardless of how you were
raised individually, the idea that we should love ourselves and that we can do
anything has completely shaped our culture and media. How many TV shows and movies have we seen
that tell us, “You can do anything you set your mind to” or “Just be yourself –
find what’s right for you!” This,
according to the book, is an idea that is relatively unique to our
generation. Previous generations did
what they were told and had few choices.
They went to church because it was what you did, they took jobs similar
to their parents’ and did not often leave the towns they grew up in. They were not taught to find their true
selves (this is a movement that was started in the 60s and 70s and led way to
self-help books, self-discovery seminars, and Oprah). Kids were not included in important
decisions, like which house the family moved to (or whether they moved at all),
and they were rarely allowed to wear mismatched clothes because “it was their
way of expressing themselves.” Children
weren’t a choice, they were a duty, and those who remained unmarried and/or
childless were talked about behind hands in public places.
The idea that what we think and feel matters is fairly new,
and we delight in challenging social orders at every turn. Even the concept of religion has changed
drastically as this new movement has spread.
The book states, “Many young people abandon organized religion because
of… the restrictive rules it often imposes” (Twenge, 34). Church membership has fallen, and
free-thinking has risen. But just
because people don’t don their Sunday best and cram themselves into pews does
not mean that they do not strive to live decent, moral lives or subscribe to
any kind of faith. A recent poll (that I
saw in a movie theater) said that young people are twice as likely to volunteer
as their elders, who were forced to attend services. Isn’t that what we’re all trying to
accomplish with these teachings and preachings?
To get people to do the right thing, to help others, and to be
contributing members of our community?
The book goes on to talk about how more and more people are opting to
have a “personal” relationship with God and to accept Jesus as their “personal
savior.” Says the book, "77% [in 2006]
were agnostic, atheist, or liberal believers (who believe in a religion but
question some aspects of it). Many don’t
adhere to a specific belief system because, As Melissa [someone she quoted in
the book] says, ‘I believe that whatever you feel, it’s personal… Everybody has
their own idea of God and what God is…’” (Twenge, 34).
This is a new thing, guys.
It used to be that what the Bible says is what it was, and what it was
is what it was. There was no room for
questioning. Free-thinking wasn’t asked
for or really welcome (I guess it’s necessary to say that I am a part of Gen
Me, and my knowledge of previous generations is limited to what I’ve heard from
parents and read in books. Take that for
what you will). Only in recent decades
have we started questioning and exploring en masse. Sure, there have always been philosophers,
free-thinkers, and questioners. And
there were scientists who made discoveries that got them excommunicated. But we as a generation are rising up and
really, loudly, overtly saying, “I don’t have to believe all of that. I can believe some of it, or none of it. It’s my choice.” And our elders are saying, “You disobedient
little heathens are going straight to Hell!”
I go back and forth on the idea of introducing my children
to religion. It’s one of those things
that I might immediately decide once I see the little bundle of crying every
two hours – I mean joy, but for now I’m really not sure how I feel about the
idea. It feels like brainwashing to
start so early and leave no room for choice.
But is that me talking or is it Generation Me? Is it true enlightenment or is it a
generation brought up on choices, feeling special (and entitled), and the idea
that everything we have should be a reflection of who we are? Is this just a
movement, or is it heading in a permanent direction? Is it doing a disservice to expose young
children to religion against their will, or is it a disservice not to? Is it possible to have a family that is spiritual
but not necessarily religious – without raising them to sound like vapid
California models?
I thought that my views on religion were a product of my own
unquestionable brilliance, a result of years of thinking, pondering, writing,
exploring, and exposure to different people and ideas. But is it that, or am simply a product of my
generation? Is this what our
participation trophies and everybody is
special shirts are getting us? It was incredibly humbling to read that my perceived enlightened thinking may actually be just self-centered thinking, but I don't really know where to go from here.
For more unconventional ideas on religion, check out http://theoatmeal.com/comics/religion (beware some S-bombs)
