So Much Potential

And now, a message from the drama llama:

"Dear Kimberly, I know you've mentally mapped out the stories from last week's substituting adventures, and I'mma let you get there, I'mma let you finish, but first I have to introduce something to you. It is called 'The Potential Job Situation.' And it goes a little something like this."

I've been substituting for a wonderful school system in a little town so cute it might as well be Star's Hollow (hometown of the Gilmore Girls). There's a long-term sub opening for next semester, and for a while I thought I was pretty much a lock for the job.

Then I found out there's another substitute, at the same school, who wants the same job, and who has already done the same job, for that school, last year.

When the air is let out of your balloon, it sounds something like this: Pffffftttttttbbbbbthhhhhh

I'm also hoping to be involved in a local tutoring, um, thing, that starts in October. Provided they get all the students they need. Provided I can work around subbing. But at any rate, it's still more money.

I got a call today from a county to which I applied for a job (like, a job-job) this year, asking if I would be interested in a longterm substitute position at their middle school.

And the heavens opened up and the angels sang....Death metal.

Wait. Angels don't sing death metal. Why are the angels singing death meta?

Because, as I listened on I learned that this long term job overlaps the other one. The one I might not get, but want very very badly. Whyyy??

You might be sitting there reading this (And I guess if you're reading this you are, in fact reading this...), thinking I would be stupid not to pounce on anything that opens up. But if it were an easy decision, I would have made it already. So let's just give me the benefit of the doubt and assume there must be some reason not to take it.

I love the school where I'm currently subbing. If I could get this long term job here, it could really really help in getting a full-time job, should such an opportunity come along. But if I leave and let someone else have the long term, then I feel as if I'd be taken out of the running altogether. Maybe not, but it will at least hurt my chances that I wanted to leave. Further, there's the tutoring. Yeah, yeah, the tutoring that hasn't started yet. But if it does happen, they want to make me lead tutor for my county. Kind of a big deal to have such a, if I may quote a card from the game Munchkin, Really Impressive Title. BUT, the commute between the school that called today and the tutoring place is.... quite possibly too long to make it in time. And it's just 2 months of work, granted it's two months of guaranteed work. But if something opens up here next year and I've left, it would only be logical to turn to the person who was put in the classroom to fill in, and that wouldn't be me.

So, is it worth staying for two potential jobs that might be building blocks to amount to awesome wonderful jobs? Or is this a "take what you can get" kinda thing? And why do I feel I've posted this very same angst before? And where are my shoes?

Ann M. Martin is a genius

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a babysitter more than a rich kid wants a pony. Specifically, I wanted to be a member of the Babysitter's Club, a fictional organization of 13-year old, fully certified babysitters. At 9, age 13 seemed so old and responsible, but by the time I was 13, I knew I wouldn't have put me in charge of anything living. Mainly because my babysitting tactic, for a long time, was to do everything fun and amusing that I could think of day one, then get irritated because children, as it turns out, need to be entertained and cared for every day. Who knew?

I have, since then, gained more patience for youngsters. I have also learned not to overexert myself on day one and to save some fun things for later, because there always will be a later. One thing I did love about what the Babysitter's Club babysitters brought to the table were the Kid Kits. Kid Kits were these sweet little boxes that the Babysitters filled with stickers, coloring books, crayons, and all kinds of wonderful kid-entertaining things. I imagine there had to have been some glitter, or there would have been an inevitable coup of some kind.

Today, I learned how much smarter than me these made-up teenagers were. I was called in to substitute for a middle school parapro, which meant following different classes throughout the day. As if that wasn't complicated enough, today was also field trip day for one of the grades, so some of the teachers were out. At one point, I led a class (a LARGE class, at that) into a room, seated them, and stood in horror as I realized there wasn't a teacher in the room already! Cue hitchcock-style scream. Of course, being alone in a room with students is not something that is new to me. As a substitute (And even during my student teaching sometimes), I find myself flying solo all the time. In fact, today would have been the first day that I wasn't filling in for the primary teacher. But here's what was severely lacking in this scenario: A lesson plan of any kind.

We were actually supposed to be in the computer room, but the computer room was occupied by another class, so we were told to go to this classroom, and..... And what? "And what?" is exactly the question I was met with, as I stared at 30-ish seventh graders, who were being relatively quiet as they waited for guidance. And none came.

It was eventually decided that they would present their technology projects, which, in a room lacking of personal computers meant that they would be reading from printed powerpoint slides and doing their very best to be quiet and listen respectfully. Uh-huh.

And so I refer back to the genius of Ann M. Martin, writer of the phenomenal series that spurred a not-so-phenomenal movie, and an ehhh spinoff series: Kid Kits. Or something more grown-up and professional sounding, but essentially, yes, Kid Kits. You see, I'd like to gather a handful of lesson plans, varying in time length, for the not-so-unlikely occasion that I find myself standing in front of eager students (whose attention spans are drifting by the second) with nothing in hand. And that is where you, the reader (you know, all five or so of you, am I right?) come in. Throw out some lesson plan ideas for me to use! Try to make them engaging, but educational, without making them feel too much like they're in "school." I know they are in school, but what right does a substitute have to teach them anything? This is why it needs to be sneaky. I will probably work best with English/Language Arts-related topics, but feel free to throw anything in. Current events could work well too. Just so they are doing something, and the class period doesn't turn into heads up seven up. I don't mind if I have to print anything out; I'll probably print out like 10 copies and have them do the stuff in groups or something. One more thing! If these could be altered to fit as many ages as possible, it would be best; I'm on the list for primary-high school, so it's anybody's guess where I'll be!

Anyway, here's my short-list; feel free to add to it!!

5-10 minutes:

Brainteasters, etc.

-Have students brainstorm as many uses as they can for simple items: brick, blanket, fork, box... If time allows, discuss some of the students' answers

-Droodles (clicky): Look at these shapes and see what students think they are. Spend a few minutes jotting down everything they think the things could possibly be. Talk about ideas.

-Circle madness: Have a paper full of circles (students can draw them, or they can be pre-printed). Have students draw on circles to create different things, count how many each student comes up with.

-The famous farmhouse: Draw that shape, you know the one (a box with an X in the middle and a triangle on top of it. It looks like a farmhouse to me... Challenge students to recreate the shape without picking up their pencil, tracing lines, or crossing lines.

15-20 minutes: (or more, really)

Writing!!

-Have students draw inspiration from Lynda Barry's What it is (right here) and write short stories, poems, plays...

-There's always this amazing book, that supplies the first sentence of a story FOR the writer.

-The zombie exercise is always a hit. Basically, students visualize a room in their house, look to the left from a particular spot, imagine themselves picking up the first thing they find, and use it as a weapon in the zombie apocalypse. Usually more of a hit with boys, but girls have fun with it too.

Quick Skit!

-Act out characters of scenes from books and have the class guess who it is.

20-30 minutes

An infinite amount of writing prompts!

Here are some of my favorites, and students can share their pieces with time left over

-Think of your favorite song and a memory you have attached to that song. Write that memory as a scene in a story.

-create a scene: Students brainstorm different methods of travel (anything from submarine to bicycle to spaceship; literally nothing (well... not nothing is off-limits)), then answer a series of questions about the main character (who are they, why are they traveling, where are they going) and write a scene from this information

-aaackk I'm drawing a blank on writing prompts. Help me out, here! Natasha, I'm looking at youuu!!

There's always time for poetry!

-The Jabberwocky lesson plan: Students read Jabberwocky in groups and try to decipher some of the crazy words and say what they think the poem means

A full class period

-What makes a good story: Discuss some elements of stories, pausing to discuss the "hook" in general. Have students pick books from a bookshelf (hopefully there is one!) and read the first sentences of their books. Rate the sentences 1-5 stars, 1 being "I don't want to read this book now," 5 being "I HAVE to find out what happens in this book!" Then have some students read their sentences, discussing what would make them better or why they are great the way they are. Students brainstorm their own first sentences, pick one, and WRITE!

-test-taking strategies: Talk about how to do well on a test. Give the sample test (something I got in class last year) and see how well students can do on a test -- one that basically takes itself! Then discuss the answers and how you can use a test to help you.

-It's always possible to stretch out some of the other things on above lists...

So that's what I have so far. I'm sure if I thought long enough I could come up with more. Most teachers do have a plan for the sub, but in case I'm faced with the unthinkable again I want to be prepared! So... Get your ideas ready.... set..... GO! Let me hear it!

Fear and Loathing in rural/suburban Georgia

When we first moved in, we put Ferris in Michael's room and shut the door. In the beginning, we even locked the door just for good measure. After some time, the doors would be left open and the native cats and dog would wander in to find a new, strange, VERY bristled/hissing smallish version of a cat. Eventually, Ferris developed the courage to cross the hall into the guest room, and he now spends his days running full speed in and out of the guest room and Michael's room. But what is incredibly odd is that he doesn't go any further down the hall. Seriously. Whenever we go downstairs, we can hear him meowing from the doorway. And we know it's from the doorway, because I snapped this picture once as I came up the stairs:

See that little blackish dot on the door? That's Ferris, and that is as far as he will go down the hallway. It doesn't make sense -- at the apartment, he left no nook unexplored, no patch of carpet unscratched (luckily he didn't leave any marks...). But for some reason, he cowers at the prospect of venturing down the hallway. What a fraidy cat, in every literal sense.

It takes one to know one, though. I, too, am quite the fraidy cat. My list of fears is quite long. Sure, there's the usual death, loved ones' death, war, etc -- also throwing up (who is afraid of THAT, I mean really), and of course failure.

I almost faced a fear earlier this week. Michael and I talked about watching The Grudge, a movie that had me awake for two days, a movie that had me running into the lobby during the movie, just for some reprieve from that creepy Ehhkkk-ehhkk-ehhkk noise. I shudder just thinking about it. But then, the dog got trapped in the laundry room and made so much noise that my heart was pounding and I realized was definitely not ready to face that particular fear. All of you who laughed at the silly, screaming little girls in the movie: Shut it, please? Thanks.

Then there's this little gem, thanks to some people from the comic fury chatzy last night:

CLICK FOR TRUE HORROR

(DISCLAIMER: seriously, don't click on that unless you are not easy to scare. It's awful. Oh, and if you DO clicky, you have to scroll all the way down to the bottom. Just do it; you'll see why. Make sure your sound is on).

So yes. Terrified. And terrified of what, exactly? A comic? Asian special effects, and a noise made by the movie's own director? Why? I guess it's because anything is technically possible. What if this is some kind of evil ring-like web page, that haunts you for the rest of your life until it finally makes you lost your mind before the creature consumes you. Or something.

I don't understand my fears. I don't understand being afraid of a normal bodily function, or being afraid of something that was animated and put online. I don't understand being afraid of failure to the point that Homer Simpson's age old wisdom "Trying is the first step towards failure" starts to ring true. Everybody fails, right? Maybe I should assess myself based on the general scrapbook of moments and not just one snapshot. That is what we learned was the best kind of assessment after all... I think at some point we just have to accept our failures, learn from them, and one day be able to see them as lessons, rather than failures. I consider myself to have no regrets, only lessons learned. But I'm not 100% sure that's true. I still kick myself for walking out of a job fair that was hiring on the spot, just for getting one phone call offer, especially when that offer amounted to nothing. And I tell myself that there was a reason that one didn't work out, and that there was a reason I walked away from the job fair. There is really no point in dwelling on what we don't know.

Yet "the unknown" is number one on the list of people's fears, isn't it? We aren't afraid of death because it hurts. Even if it does hurt, it's only for a second and then it's over. We're afraid because we don't know what happens after. We have faith, sure. But the very definition of faith implies that there must be some unknown. Ferris isn't afraid of the hallway because the dog's cage is in it. Usually the dog is in the room with Ferris, dodging the threats that Ferris hisses and growls at him. No, Ferris is afraid of the hallway because he doesn't know what could be in it, where it goes, what lurks behind the doorways ten feet away from the one he knows and loves.

One day I will have to face my fears. I search for jobs every day, because the lack of money overrides the fear of coming up short. And maybe one day I will strike gold, so to speak, and find out exactly why nothing else worked out. And it will all make sense.

But I am not clicking that link again.