As previously covered, Maymester is counted as another semester entirely, and so grades from Maymester do not go through until August. So effectively, I could take the class now. Or last month. It wouldn't matter, because nothing, no matter what, will be processed until August. The problem with that? My certification depends on my grades. The problem with THAT? Getting a JOB depends on certification.
And so, our heroine returns to her castle to lick her wounds and mourn the loss of $1300 she never really had, while simultaneously searching for a job related to her content field.
I found some job postings, some job fairs, sent out more resume emails and filled out more applications that I can count. Apparently I can't count higher than fifteen. Oh well. Every day my poor references had more and more forms to fill out and fax, mail, or email back to the powers that be in various offices across the state (and a few surrounding states). I woke up last Wednesday to an email asking if I could come in for an interview in about two hours. So I did. The following Friday, I woke up early and prepared for a job fair an hour away, having not heard anything about the Wednesday interview. Oh well. Win some, lose some - and other stupid cliches. While I was at the job fair, I checked my voicemail and found a cal from the Wednesday job. And then... *Drumroll* I was offered the position! Hooray! BUTWAIT!
Lurking in the shadows and ready for round two....was the RED TAPE MONSTER! The monster, apparently not satisfied with just one victory, was out for even more blood this time. In order to actually GET the job, I had to have my certification. Wait. the certification that is impossible to achieve -- that elusive piece of paper, that currently resides many miles away in the town of Processingville? Oh no! It simply isn't possible! Not even Tom Cruise and his magic repelling-from-ceilings-wire could save this day!
Unfortunately, Tom Cruise was busy being the Messiah of Scientology. Or having babies with Katie. Or...filming Mission Impossible Four. Whatever, he didn't answer the phone. I DID however, call the certification officer, the registrar, the president of the school, the provost office, the registrar again, department head, other people from my school who were waging more successful battles with their own Red Tape Monsters (theirs are considerably more tame, though. What's that all about?) --- and to no avail. The Red Tape Monster whipped his tail at me, knocked me down, stomped on me, breathed fire in my face, and shouted: "NO CERTIFICATION, NO JOB!" in a loud booming voice that echoed throughout the land. And with that, the figure in the shadows rescinded the job offer and vanished.
And so, leaving our heroine bleeding to death on the rocks, the Red Tape Monster went back into its cave to watch Matlock. That's what it does after a good day's work, breaking the spirits of valiant young challengers. Fear not, readers! For our heroine refuses to be beaten. She waited until the Red Tape Monster went to sleep on its giant pile of money collected from fees and taxes -- and our heroine dragged herself back to her castle in Gradsville, mumbling the whole way about how if the petition had been approved, the class would have counted as Spring and been finalized already -- meaning that certification and degree would already be obtained.
Moral of THIS story? Don't always believe offers presented to you, and definitely don't have your celebration dinner until you know there is something real to celebrate. Back to the job search tomorrow; I'm taking the day off today.
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