A weird thing happened today. We were working on vocabulary, and for reasons I can't recall, somebody mentioned Jet Lee (or is it Li?). I thought it would be a nice time to give a useless bit of trivia, so I told the group about how Jet died as a result of what may or may not be a curse. Having brought sacred Eastern secrets of martial arts to the Western world, many believe he was cursed and that was why he died. Maybe it was Bruce Lee who brought the curse upon his family. Either way, the conversation that followed went like this.
Student: A curse?
Me: Well, that's what they say, yes.
Student: But there's no such thing as curses, because God makes those decisions, right?
Me: It depends on what you believe... There are some people who do believe in curses.
Student: Do you believe in God?
Me: I don't want to talk about that right here. It's not something we talk about at school.
Another student: I bet she doesn't.
....That was unexpected. I didn't know how to react to that. What I did was assert that we were in a government building and it was not the place to discuss things like religious belief. But it struck me, because this was maybe the first time in my life that it has ever been suggested that I didn't believe in God. Let me make this clear before I go on, that I most definitely do believe in God. But if you asked me my religion, I would answer, "tolerance." To me it's not about a label or a status, it's about a feeling. I don't want to sound like a vapid LA model, but I consider myself to be much more spiritual than religious. I believe there is something there. But I find too many problems with the organization of the Church to subscribe explicitly to a doctrine.
Anyway, as I spent most of my school years being seen as the goody-goody honor student who listened to Bach in her spare time when not reciting memory verses facing upward, it was strange to hear a student suggest that I am not a believer in the Divine.
Why didn't I answer? When I was a student, I thought it was silly that teachers weren't allowed to say who they voted for, what their politics were, or what they believed in. We're together for hours a day; why can't we know what they believe? But, along with many other mysterious teacher rules, this one was explained in graduate school. I don't want to risk alienating any of my students. If a student doesn't believe in anything, I don't want them to feel alone among a sea of bible belters. I don't want to express my opinions on any of these issues, because I want students to be able to see me as someone they can relate to in as many ways as possible. I don't want it to just be assumed that in my classroom we are all middle class, we are all Christian, and we are all Republican. Not everyone is like that, even here in the South -- and I don't want any of my students to feel isolated because of their beliefs or home lives.
Just after the Columbine shootings, a book was released called She Said Yes, about the girl who unashamedly pronounced her love of God at the face of a gun. I remember asking myself what my answer would be if I were ever met with such a scenario. Would I say yes? Would I risk dying to answer a simple question? What if I had kids at home; could I leave them without a mother because of my honesty? But if I said no, could I forgive myself? Christianity teaches forgiveness, but does it "count" if you go into the question thinking "I'll just say no, and God will forgive me." I can't help but think that that's not how the whole process is supposed to work.
Then there are the irritating-as-all-get-out facebook posts. "98% of people won't stand up for God. Repost this if you are one of the 2% that will." Such a post has inspired spin-offs such as "98% of people will not admit their love of dragons. Repost if you are one of the 2% who is not ashamed to stand up for what you love," and so on. Every time I see this, I wonder how much attention we really have to cause to our religious beliefs. Can't we be quietly religious, and not bombard facebook with it? Does not reposting mean that I don't love God? Of course not. Does posting mean that I do love Him? No. Something like that is between God and myself, and more and more I feel it should stay that way.
So when a student asks me what my politics/religious beliefs are, I pretend I have no idea what we're talking about and redirect the conversation as soon as possible. It's not a private Christian school, and I don't feel like we should be talking about something so potentially isolating. It is my job to establish a safe, trusting environment, and we can't do that if anybody feels alone in a class of students who believe something different than they do.
Am I overthinking this, like everything else in my life? Should I just answer honestly? I would really rather have a discussion about how the Lee family shared sacred secrets with Westerners, thus bringing upon their house a curse that took their lives. It reminds me of the story of Atreus, which is a seriously messed up Greek tale (of course it's messed up; it's an ancient Greek tale).
I'm not sure how to wrap this up. I'm not saying we shouldn't stand up for what we believe in. But I don't want to wear a sign that says "I believe _________," either. I feel our actions should show what we believe, and we shouldn't force people into discussions that they are uncomfortable in. I don't like labels. I don't like isolating people. I like love. I like tolerance.
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